Fatdex – Webcomics and rants plus some other stuff that can’t be categorizied

License To Wed

Year Released: 2007
Directed by: Ken Kwapis
Starring: Robin Williams, John Krasinski, Mandy Moore
Production Company: Proposal Productions

Robin Williams has sunk his teeth into yet another role where he can improvise and chew up the scenery. What you end up with is another mishmash of the same dribble you’ve come to expect in the romantic comedy category.

Hey, I may be a dude, but I enjoy a good poke at relationships and dating. If it weren’t for these sappy movies I’m sure three quarters of the population wouldn’t have a reason to meet in the first place. So, here we go: Robin Williams has got that seventeen-year-old spirit that just can’t be duplicated. Unless he’s absolutely high on cocaine; but he’s cut that out of his diet since the early 90′s. Williams can easily steal the show if he’s not kept in line, and can turn a great movie into a mediocre one: which is what happened with License to Wed.

Jim announces his affair with Pam the secretary at the wrong time.

The movie is about two lovebirds who were destined for each other (Ben and Sadie) played by John Krasinski and Mandy Moore. After some courtship, the pair decide to get married, but there are some stipulations; namely they get hitched at the same church as the bride’s parents, and that they pass a martial readiness course run by family friend Reverend Frank (Williams). Trying to pass the marriage course is frustrating especially to Ben, as Frank tries at every opportunity to showcase Ben’s inadequacies by forcing word association games with in-laws, plants an audio bug in the couple’s bedroom, and is outwardly creepy and endangering all around. Especially that bedroom bug: seriously – wouldn’t you just bring the guy to court and get hitched in Vegas instead?

Of course, all the horrible things that Frank does are all justified by Sadie’s family. Does this mean they’ve all had to endure the humiliation of carrying around robotic babies that produce excrement, cry and look incredibly terrifying? What’s even worse, the filmmakers try to see things from Sadie’s point of view, how could we take her side in Franks escapades? Really, Sadie just comes off as stupid and insecure. If you fell in love with a guy, why would religion make you change your mind?

Besides this and I mean the MAIN PLOT, the movie is tolerable. My fun was had in seeing Office Star John Krasinski’s co-workers show up in similar roles throughout the movie. It shouldn’t be a surprise, director Ken Kwapis did direct the original US pilot for the show, so some co-stars had to sneak in.

“So we can return ‘A Walk to Remember anytime?”

The laughs come off as painful, and the script could use a little more fine tuning – it shows that the producers figured they could hinge the whole picture on Williams’ name alone. His character pushes too hard, controls his subjects and has a shady past himself when he’s a man of the cloth. So, why listen to this guy? He’s not even credible. The best part of the whole film is when Ben punches the reverend for interfering so much: finally! A movie that puts the wants of the public back in! But its short lived and it ends… well, it’s a Rom/Com – how do you think it ends?

The funny misses due to an overly possessive Robin Williams, all the other characters are as stock as soup cans and the plot is predictable. It’s not great, and there are other flicks that do more with less.

4.0 out of 10

The Bucket List

Year Released: 2008
Directed by: Rob Reiner
Starring: Jack Nicholson, Morgan Freeman, Sean Hayes
Production Company: Storyline Entertainment

The Bucket List is the odd couple formula with a little incentive: they’re both dying of cancer, and want to make more of their last months on earth. It’s a stoic effort, but a few too many of the plot devices hinge too heavily on a few factors.

Super intelligent and world weary Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman) is a kind hearted mechanic that once had a dream: to be a history professor. After 46 years of marriage and three children, he’s all but put aside his wants and focused entirely on his family. On the other side of the spectrum is billionaire commercial hospital real estate owner Edward Cole (Nicholson) as the vicious businessman who’s put his work first and his family second. Both are diagnosed with terminal cancer, and given only 6 months to a year to live. As fate goes, both are hospitalized in the same room of Cole’s hospital where the rule is ‘two beds to one room’. Upon Carter’s dismal diagnosis, he crumples up a sheet of paper; his ‘bucket list’ he later tells Cole, all the things we wishes to do before he dies.

“Okay, you shoot me, then I’ll shoot you.”

The wildly rich and lovable Cole with all his fortune decides to take his new friend and fulfill his list, by jetting to exotic locales such as Paris, Egypt, and India (who knows if the studio merely put them in front of a blue screen, the salaries alone for this pic sounds pretty hefty). Which goes to show, as bleak as a situation is, it isn’t so bad when you’re stinking rich. Not exactly something shared by all. Could be why I didn’t give this flick a higher rating, it’s not like I could do things I’ve been meaning to do since I was 15, I simply don’t have the funds, and the worrying about paying back the loans would kill me.

“Yeeeha! Geriatrics is fun!”

I love seeing Nicholson do some comedy now and again, call me crazy, but I think he’s pretty good when he’s paired up with a big leaguer like Freeman. Besides, I had to chuckle when they were skydiving and arguing like the old guys they are. Both are funny in their own right. But the chemistry doesn’t seem like it’s melding here, perhaps they’re not liking the idea they’re in a buddy-movie for old men. Either way, the lack of sparks made the film seem flat and tired. Even the god-like voice over narration of Freeman seemed a bit desperate, as if Rob Reiner tried to tag on a line of ‘c’mon: it’s Morgan Freakin’ Freeman!’ Both play their parts to a ‘T’, Nicholson being the wild eyed prankster, and Freeman being the kindly wise man. Neither can do much to keep the Bucket List from becoming a sappy re-telling of grumpy old men.

The real treat is the ending, not exactly a feel good type but it certainly does tug at your heart strings, and hits all the right notes at the close.

6.5 out of 10

27 Dresses
Year Released: 2008
Directed by: Anne Fletcher
Starring: Catherine Heigl, James Marsden, Edward Burns
Production Company: Fox 2000 Pictures

Catherine Heigl is the hot friend that doesn’t really say much unless there’s something interesting going on. There, I fucking said it. Heigl was hilarious in Knocked up, but when I viewed it again the other night, I was laughing at her predicament and Seth Rogen’s performance more than her. I’m guessing the studio execs figured they could capture Heigl’s funnier moments on screen when she’s running the show, but given the weak material, it comes off a little clichéd and tired.
Heigl is the eternal bridesmaid and hopeless romantic Jane, the magazine assistant who’s totally infatuated with her perfect boss George (Ed Burns). How eternal a bridesmaid is she? She’s been in, get this: 27 dresses. And for some reason keeps them all to constantly remind her how empty her life is that suicide is something better left to bankers and lawyers. Sorry, I had to add a little something to keep the article going. She’s also supposed to hate pretty boy writer/marriage cover guy Kevin (James Marsden), so you know she falls in love with the guy after she finds out something clichéd about her boss – oh yeah, her boss falls for her little sister and they get *gasp* engaged!

Personally I would have preferred if Heigl took the high road, grabbed an uzi and a couple shotguns and went nuts at her sister’s wedding; pumping one rage fuelled round after another into either prospective single men, or just the immediate targets of hate. Unfortunately for me, she sucks it in and pretends that she’s in support of the marriage and quietly decides to sabotage it at the last moment: classy. Well, it probably worked out best this way, considering my demographic (late 20′s, married and hates sappy romantic movies) would rather prefer sabotage to come in the form of a Beastie Boys video.

Speaking of videos, there’s a sing-a-long scene involving Heigl, Marsden and Benny and the Jets. Never has that damn song been more emasculating.

Billed as a romantic comedy, you’d think the producers would at least try a few different angles, bringing in a gay in-law to complicate things, or manically funny assistant or something. Rather, they play it out by the numbers and nearly bore you to death. Heigl herself isn’t quite up to calibre to carrying this film all by herself just yet: especially in the comedy arena. At least in Knocked Up, she could play off whatever joke Seth Rogen was making, and he spit them out faster than a condom machine in a high school boy’s room. So, to say that without that formula to keep it going, the laughs are stale and the screenwriters have to resort to pulling used items out of the hat with little to no need to worry about how the sequence of events fall into place.

At least in comedies, there’s the comedy relief; usually in the form of a fast talking, bumbling assistant or a friend that’s a real party animal of some sort, right? Not one to be found in this grinder mix – the camera achingly dotes on Heigl one scene after another, hoping to capture some of that natural hilarity that occurs after a night of drinking, or losing one’s panties in public. Well, they play it safe: what else can I say?

For all these qualities, there are some redeeming ones: in predictability, there’s a sort of calming effect in knowing what’s coming next: they slowly build to a slow climax that you saw coming even before the initial credits stopped. You know that Heigl is more suited to be supporting actress material, you even know that there’s going to be a sappy wedding at the end because all the whole damn movie does is reference weddings and marriage and commitment. So, it’s not horrible, but perhaps a notch above.

4 out of 10

Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story
Year Released: 2008
Directed by: Jake Kasdan
Starring: John C. Reilly, Jenna Fischer, Tim Meadows
Distributed by: Apatow Productions

Like any good mockumentary, Walk Hard is right in the thick of things, slipping in jokes with the wit that can only be John C. Reilly’s. From the source material alone, I had thought this was a Will Ferrell vehicle, so thank God Reilly was cast. He’s just got that Oscar touch and refinement that Ferrell simply lacks, because, let’s face it: we’re all getting tired of his antics in movies as of late. Hey, I’m just giving my opinion.

Back to the review – Dewey Cox is the derivative of all and any musical analogies we’ve grown up with: it’s solidly based on the life and times of Johnny Cash, with roots in rock, jazz, new age and yes, even some motown and punk slipped in there; much like the 3 [men] Cox slept with during his illustrious career. The story arc sets off when Young Dewey Cox accidentally halves his older brother in a machete fight. As ridiculous as that sounds, it actually works as the cast and crew are more than willing to admit there is a fourth wall, but never actually touch it: they do come tediously close to going right over it, but have the sense to keep the reality of the movie well intact. After the brother incident, Dewey loses his sense of smell (a la Ray Charles); he’s befriended by his father, played by Raymond J. Barry who continually and eventually hums ‘killed the wrong boy’. It’s that sort of tough love that sends Dewey out on the road to pursue his dream of one day being a famous musician.

It’s during Dewey’s first time on stage at the tender age of fourteen (the film makers wisely decided to have John C. Reilly play this part) that we really discover Dewey’s talent. If you can pick it out (and it’s not hard), that’s actually Reilly singing – and he’s pretty good, it certainly gives his credit for his past Oscar win.

The situations the characters are placed in are right out real events (playing at a radio station to a strict manager), and there’s no juxtaposition in the dialogue: pretty much everyone cuts to the point – in a funny way: when the radio station manager delivers his ‘there’s no way you can convince me to keep recording, you have no talent, and I’m sure you’ll never amount to anything’ speech, and gives Dewey 15 seconds to try to come up with something, you just know the next mega hit is about to be recorded.

Cox winds through the 50′s, 60′s, 70′s and a good part of the 80′s with reckless abandon, sleeping with random women [plus one band mate], experimenting with drugs, selling out with a variety disco television show, and well, you get the picture.

It’s a tongue in cheek experiment done right. It works because the comedy doesn’t rely at all on current events, and I think this is where most current spoof films fail: they’re a little too busy commenting on Brittany Spears and company. And really, who wants a movie that can be that easily dated with some soon to be obscure singer?

Watching Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox story was a satisfying romp through musical history’s misguided eyes. Even if some of the things and times aren’t entirely familiar to you, it’s still funny. And for those music fanatics, it’s just that much more fun.

7 out of 10

Year Released: 2008
Directed by: Ben Stiller
Starring: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey, Brandon T, and Tom Cruise(!)
Production Company:
Studio: Dreamworks SKG

When Tropic Thunder was released, all the buzz was about Robert Downey Jr. playing a black man. Different groups were all in upheaval about the charade of a man willing to do something like this in the name of comedy. There was a lot of talk about racism and Hollywood’s easy acceptance in the name of a buck. If you watch the movie, you’ll actually find it’s done quite tastefully and it fits the character Downey Jr is portraying. And if you think Hollywood cares who they’re offending in the name of the almighty dollar, you’re dead wrong. Just take a look at ‘White Chicks’ a gross out comedy starring the Wayan brothers as two blonde heiresses. No one even batted an eyelid when that premise was announced. Even the title was honest in what the content was about, yet you didn’t hear about any petitioning groups against it.

The rabid fans of ‘Envy’ find their way onto the set…

I’m sure the double standards community online agrees with me.

It’s been a while since Ben Stiller was behind the camera, his last directoral movie, Zoolander was the satire of the world of male modeling. This time around, Stiller is a little more honest and has a lot less slapstick in Tropic Thunder. It’s a movie within a movie concept complete with fake trailers with the title characters playing to their strengths. If you give it a chance you’ll have a fun time keeping up with the insanity of movies and vices that each actor can have.

Start the engine, Katie Holmes found out where Tom got to at night!

The story follows a group of actors with engorged egos cast in the most expensive war movie ever made. Each actor is at the top of their game in the three major film genres: Jeff Portnoy (Jack Black) the comedic actor with a spiraling drug problem, Tugg Speedman (Ben Stiller) the action juggernaut with one last chance to show he’s got some acting talent, and Kirk Lazarus (Robert Downey Jr.) the five time oscar winner method actor who gets a little too involved in his roles. In the mix is a up and coming rap superstar Alpo Chino (Brandon T. Jackson) and the unknown actor (Jay Baruchel) who actually reads the source material and script. The source material in question was written by double arm amputee Four Leaf Tayback (Nick Nolte) whose experience in Vietnam and horrific injuries are a result of a top secret mission, which now is being turned into a high-concept overblown Hollywood movie.

The director is fed up trying to get his all-star cast to gel together to get the project done, and at Four Leaf’s request, puts them into the jungle filming them guerrilla-movie style. As you’d expect, something happens and it’s no longer a movie, as the group finds themselves in real danger.

Downey Jr. is magnificent as the dude playing a dude, disguised as another dude.

If you’re going to spoof a major tent pole film, you might as well make it look the part: it’s shot and lit incredibly well. The in-jokes come mainly from the actor’s attachments to their paycheques and lifestyles than they are creating art. All the supporting cast seems to be in on the joke, Matthew McConaughey as Tugg Speedman’s agent is more concerned about getting his client TiVo instead of working on his acting skills. Keep you ears unplugged for an unmistakable voice in Tom Cruise, as Les Grosman, the overweight vulgar, obscenity spewing corporate executive looking to pad his wallet at the expense of any actor or film. This was supposed to be the hidden gem; Cruise is hilarious in his execution, his dance moves and appearance a stark contrast to his otherwise pretty-boy image. His appearance would have dominated the movie, except for:

Robert Downey Jr. Say what you will, his performance walks the line between good taste and comedic timing. He’s got pathos and creates empathy for his fictional character, african American staff Sargent Lincoln Osiris, played by Kirk Lazurus. There’s so many layers behind that performance it’s hard to peel back one after another and not be astounded by the amount of effort he put into those character(s), especially in a movie satire, let alone a comedy film meant to generate laughs instead of buzz. There’s so much conviction in what he’s doing, as his own character states “I only break character after the DVD commentary”. Downey Jr. still shines when he’s playing the Australian Oscar winner and it almost takes away from the films overall tone of irony and sarcasm.

If you looking for a movie that’s light on conscience pick up Tropic Thunder, the laughs are well earned and the filming is beautiful.

7 out of 10