Fatdex – Webcomics and rants plus some other stuff that can’t be categorizied

Hitting thirty reminds me that I’m officially old. It’s one of the scariest numbers to hit, a major landmark in the scheme of only knowing twenty nine years of angst, revolt and perhaps a healthy regard for misbehaviour. My entire life up until twenty-five, was about waiting until I was old enough. Now, I wish I could go back. Back to a time of care free weekdays, getting scolded for trying to eat another cookie. They’re all distant memories now. Thirty was the age of people you could no longer trust, those old farts were part of the system that was ‘keeping you down’. Now I am the system; I’m the grumpy old bastard silently cursing teenagers with blue hair and no respect for their eardrums. Hey, that’s part of growing up, right? Realizing you’re doing things you despised your parents for saying or doing. At least I’ll always be younger than my folks.

There have been so many milestones in my life, becoming a father, a husband, being laid off, enduring a strike, building a house, and a becoming a student of cancer are some of the most memorable. And those all happened in the last five years. My memory becomes a little hazy trying to go backward to a time of living with parents, of getting my first job, of thinking I knew what love was. Those were milestones that seem not as significant these days. But being a father puts all that into perspective. Now all my kid’s major milestones will be important to me, she’s going to forget them, but I’ll hold onto them.

Life is funny that way.

I’ve had the good fortune of understanding that life can be trying at times. Sounds odd that I’m saying that. But it’s really those tough times that define a person. Who you are going into rough times is certainly not the same person who emerges out the other side. The learning experience firsthand is incredible. And I can look back and say ‘I did that, I survived it’. Not everyone will be given the same opportunities. I certainly hope many don’t. But I’m glad I did.

So I’m happily not freaking out over the whole ordeal. There’s lots I haven’t accomplished yet, but I’ll get around to it.

Maybe when I hit forty I’ll really freak out.

-Dexter

Is there a tiny stripper that pops out the top?

White people (or Caucasian if you want to get technical) scare me. Because I’m a visible minority that works, and makes notes during the day while in public transportation, riding elevators, and sitting on park benches. I observe things. And of these things I’ve observed, I’ve found 5 types of white people that every foreigner should be afraid of.

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5. The WASP

White Anglo-Saxon Protestant, pertains to folks of origin from the British Isles of English descent who are protestant in religious affiliation. They are mostly financially wealthy, have positions in high power and have well educated offspring.

So what’s the big deal?

They’re smart, which means they’re more of a threat than anyone else on this list. Plus they have old school money in their pockets, so all their plays come from high above where you don’t see it coming. Business shutting down, economic depression. These are only some of the things they can control.

Rocking melodies and millions? Two out of three ain’t bad

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4. Rednecks
The complete opposite of the the WASP, the redneck (sometimes referred to as the ‘Hick’) is a type of middle American with low intelligence, loves guns, big trucks, religion, and NASCAR. Found in sprawling numbers across America’s wasteband, are easily identifiable by Mullets, camouflage baseball hats, general lack of teeth and sometimes genetic abnormalities due to imbreeding.

So what’s the big deal?

Remember that ogre in the first Harry Potter film? It was so dumb it couldn’t take a wand out of it’s nose. Think of an average sized human, with a shotgun. These guys are scary because what they don’t know scares them: this includes foreigners, toilet paper and oral hygiene.

Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen didn’t make the pictures list, by a hair.

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3. Rich and dumb West Coasters

Los Angeles and the California coast is filled with these types of vacuous, empty headed fools who prefer expensive plastic surgery as opposed to working out. Wealth is obtained by way of smart, rich WASP parents or uncles, who unfortunately did not gain the same gene that allows for brain cells to work harder than finding a car in a parkade. No religious beliefs are known, perhaps Scientology.

So what’s the big deal?

WASP’s are scary because they know what they can do with their power. Rich, dumb east coasters are scary because they don’t know what they can do, but are given the authority to do whatever they please. This is scary on a cataclysmic scale: it’s like putting a monkey in charge of the nation’s budget.

Spencer Pratt: The most punchable face in the West Coast?

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2. KKK and Neo-Nazi’s

Pretty obvious one here. And because I’m not going to write much more on this one. Be advised: they have support, and they do drugs, and they have a healthy hate for all things non-alabaster. Keep that in mind.

Kind of like this, but completely not.

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1. Ginger Haired folks

Those freckles, that hair, there is just something about a red haired kid that makes my hair stand on end. Seriously, those kids are creepy. Just looking at one reminds me that there’s a special place in hell where the walls are all the same color.

So what’s the big deal?

Sweet Jesus man, just look at these guys! Could there be a red headed neo-nazi redneck WASP that lives in southern California? Gives me the hoo ha’s just thinking about it.

Popsicle Pete creates nightmares in 10 out of 10 children.