Fatdex – Webcomics and rants plus some other stuff that can’t be categorizied

I keep hearing about Tiger this, and Tiger that, how many people he’s slept with, how many times he’s cheated on his super hot wife. Well, I’m sick of it. This being the age of information isn’t necessarily the age of intelligence or relevance. Sometimes I stop to ponder how many of us are able to separate the difference between what is important, and what is complete and utter wastes of time. Tiger Woods supposedly slept with over 14 women. I get that. But look at the bigger picture, did he cheat at golf? Absolutely not. So why is this such big news? Because we’re so damn fascinated with celebrities- too fascinated as a matter of fact. This is the age where morons like Heidi and Spencer Pratt are famous for being rich and white. Are we that gullible to think that the rich are so much better than us? That we place the wealthy on a pedestal, and because of the size of their bank accounts we hold them in such high moral regards? People are after all, human. And the human condition dictates that we make mistakes. Tiger made a few mistakes, and now the media is all over him with steroid allegations and talks about his wife leaving him and taking the kids.

Just take a step back, folks. Just think, does it really matter why Woods was unfaithful? Jokes will be churned out, but is this really essay quality material that we should all be blogging about?

That last sentence sealed the ironic tomb on this article.

Whores!

Life can be full of regrets, but you can’t let the past dictate you. I have this one vivid memory, where I call someone a ‘stupid moron’. It was at work, and it wasn’t my proudest moment. I said it out of anger and the person on the other end took it kinda personally. I don’t know whatever happened to her. All I know is I said something in the heat of the moment, and I didn’t mean it. The flashback will happen to me when I’m not doing anything remotely interesting. And at that moment I remember, I feel terrible. Horrible as a matter of fact. Horrible that I could have been such a dick about such a stupid thing. I also remember high school being a place I really disliked, that the people, the culture of my home town was so privileged to have the local tar sands driving the entire town, and the was the golden egg of Alberta. The attitude that gets bred up there is one of backwards arrogance. I hated it, and all the popular kids used to pick on me for being different. I truly hated some of those kids back home, and I regretted not doing something to one of the truly meaner kids. Can I live the rest of my life thinking of those moments where I could have done something back, can I live with the regret of not starting a fight with someone that deserved it? Regret can eat away at someone.

I certainly know that I won’t cuss someone for forgetting something, or lose my patience with a co-worker because they don’t understand. Because that was me at one point. I know that calling them inappropriate names is childish and foolish (and these days can cause a law suit). So I see that as a learning opportunity. I don’t have to start any fist fights with anyone from my graduating class. When I moved south, it was to obtain my bachelor’s degree and be part of a city with great intelligence, class and wit. From that standpoint, I wanted to be a more rounded person, and I’ve accomplished that. Who knows about the kids from back home, I might be the snotty one, but at least I can be aware of it.

Regret is only possible through past events. And rather than look at what I’ve done wrong in the past, I’m choosing to learn from them. Perhaps one day I’ll be one of those intelligent, classy, witty folks in the city.

– Dexter

This picture has nothing to do with the article, it is however awesome.

Being of average height and weight, does have it’s disadvantages. I was out and about looking for a nice work shirt the other day and to my dismay was having a hell of a time finding the perfect medium/medoyen shirt in the print that I preferred. Every damn thing was either a small, XS, XXL or XXXL. When it comes to availability, I like to think that being ‘average’ would mean there’s more of my size being made and in-stock.

Being average means that numbers are against me. Average means I’ve in the middle. Average also means most people are in this grouping.

Now, if was incredibly obese, or hilariously small this mean I could purchase those nice patterns I like so much. That not being the case, I’ll just have to settle in knowing that should I ever step into a big and tall store, I’ll most likely be thrown out for trying on jacket that could fit a Rhino.

“Richard, what’s happening?!

This year of cinema is going to be great. You know why? Because in the age of information media, over stimulation and sheer stupidity, we want to go to the moves and get our optical nerves assaulted in complete darkness for 2 hours. Here’s some of those movies coming up this year that will do exactly that.

———————————————–

Cop Out
Release Date: February 26, 2010
Jesus Christ, when did Bruce Willis stop caring, and start movies that absolutely stink? The trailer has manic depressive Tracy Morgan as Bruce’s partner with a fucking gun. That whole sentence is just wrong. Bruce Willis isn’t an action star anymore, now he’s just babysitting.

A buddy cop movie with a black guy and a white guy? Genius!

———————————————–

The Karate Kid
Release Date: June 11, 2010
Watch the trailer, then re-read the title of the movie. For anyone that’s actually paying attention, the kid has moved to China. The national Martial Art of China is Kung-Fu. Jackie Chan is teaching the kid Kung-Fu. There is no karate happening in this film except for the similarity in high kicks. This film vehicle only means to show of Will Smith’s kid as the next acting super-kid. Too bad no one involved in this project bothered to understand basic geography.

Seriously? The Great Wall? They’re not even trying to cover up the landmarks.

———————————————–

Alice in Wonderland
Release Date: March 5, 2010
The most Burton-esque film to date, Tim has appeared to honour the original material and portray everything through the eyes of a meth-head. Bravo Tim, another nightmare inducing film to further my fears of the dark, and clowns.

I shall never sleep again at the sight of Madonna’s mouth on Johnny Depp’s face.

———————————————–

Iron Man 2
Release Date: May 7, 2010
Thank God they got rid of that whiny bitch Terrance Howard, Don Cheadle is the shit. The best part of the trailer was the last 3 seconds of Iron Man and War Machine going ballistic.

This is all the awesome I need.

———————————————–

Sex and the City 2
Release Date: May 28, 2010
Just what every man needed: another estrogen fuelled romp that shows men as dastardly scoundrels who do terrible things to women. And thus shows that women are justified doing what they do because men are pigs. Burn your bra’s and hug your trees, bitches.

Vomit inducement commence…

———————————————–

Inception
Release Date: July 16, 2010
I have no idea what’s going on in this movie, but Christopher Nolan is at the helm. If you’ve ever watched Memento, Insomnia, The Prestige, any of his films that deal with mind-fucking, then you’re in for a treat. Plus, DiCaprio is one of the finest actors of our generation so mark this date on your calendars, it’s going to be one bumpy ride folks.

Goosebumps away!

———————————————–

The Expendables
Release Date: August 13, 2010
Stallone wants to revamp the action genre all over again. Too bad he missed the 1980′s catchphrase bus. Action is heading downhill, as Gerard Butler can attest to as of late, all the action movies are mindless and the movie going public wants a little more meat to it’s bones than the ‘run from explosion’ formula that’s been diluted with the likes of Michael Bay.

A couple decades too late, Sly.

———————————————–

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Release Date: June 30, 2010
Teen angst, the sequel with equally shitty acting and story lines. Most men emancipated enough will enjoy the love story between a human and a vampire. Most other, regular men will find something else to do than take their girlfriends to this suck-fest.

Stephanie Meyers was rejected by the high school football captain, and is now making millions on it.

———————————————–

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part I
Release Date: November 19, 2010
The second to last movie in the series, Daniel Radcliffe can finally retire after the last film is finished at the ripe age of 45. Seriously, the film execs are taking so long between films that he’s aging at least 3 years between each. Trying to cramp 20 years worth of wrinkles into a 17 year old package does not work.

At least Emma Watson is getting smoking hot with each film.

Hitting thirty reminds me that I’m officially old. It’s one of the scariest numbers to hit, a major landmark in the scheme of only knowing twenty nine years of angst, revolt and perhaps a healthy regard for misbehaviour. My entire life up until twenty-five, was about waiting until I was old enough. Now, I wish I could go back. Back to a time of care free weekdays, getting scolded for trying to eat another cookie. They’re all distant memories now. Thirty was the age of people you could no longer trust, those old farts were part of the system that was ‘keeping you down’. Now I am the system; I’m the grumpy old bastard silently cursing teenagers with blue hair and no respect for their eardrums. Hey, that’s part of growing up, right? Realizing you’re doing things you despised your parents for saying or doing. At least I’ll always be younger than my folks.

There have been so many milestones in my life, becoming a father, a husband, being laid off, enduring a strike, building a house, and a becoming a student of cancer are some of the most memorable. And those all happened in the last five years. My memory becomes a little hazy trying to go backward to a time of living with parents, of getting my first job, of thinking I knew what love was. Those were milestones that seem not as significant these days. But being a father puts all that into perspective. Now all my kid’s major milestones will be important to me, she’s going to forget them, but I’ll hold onto them.

Life is funny that way.

I’ve had the good fortune of understanding that life can be trying at times. Sounds odd that I’m saying that. But it’s really those tough times that define a person. Who you are going into rough times is certainly not the same person who emerges out the other side. The learning experience firsthand is incredible. And I can look back and say ‘I did that, I survived it’. Not everyone will be given the same opportunities. I certainly hope many don’t. But I’m glad I did.

So I’m happily not freaking out over the whole ordeal. There’s lots I haven’t accomplished yet, but I’ll get around to it.

Maybe when I hit forty I’ll really freak out.

-Dexter

Is there a tiny stripper that pops out the top?