Top 10 Ways to Get Fired
10. Day one: Start an official sounding rumor about your boss being
considered for a big promotion. Day two: Spread a rumor that the
promotion involves your boss heading up a new facility in Bosnia.
9. Whenever a co-worker asks if you want coffee, say, “No thanks,
it.doesn’t mix well with thorazine.”
8. Attach 10 or so bottles of white-out to the inside of your suit
jacket. Every time you pass a co-worker, surreptitiously open your
jacket and whisper, ‘I got white-out here; three bucks a pop; good
quality stuff; who needs white-out?’
7. Bring several large mason jars to work and fill them part way with
water and yellow food coloring; display them conspicuously around
your work space. Tell anyone who asks about them that you are just
taking part in an efficiency study that your boss came up with to
cut down on the time employees spend away from their desks.
6. Tell your boss that you intend to spread out your vacation time by
taking off one minute out of every 25. Spend all your time ‘planning’
5. Secretly replace the coffee your boss usually drinks with new
4. Keep a tally of what your boss wears on ‘casual’ Friday. when you
see a pattern develop, distribute the tally to co-workers and start
a weekly pool.
3. Dress like a pirate for the office halloween party. Dress like a
pirate every other day of the year as well.
2. Sign up your boss as a volunteer for Junior Achievement, Save The
Children Foundation, Keep America Beautiful, the local branch of the
Seventh Day Adventist Church, UNICEF, Hands Across America, Points
of Light Foundation, and the kicker, AARP.
1. Set everyone’s desk and PC clock ahead one hour and go home early.